Breathing Into Expansion
Franceska “French” Rouzard reflects on her new position with DSM215, and this summer’s Restorative Neighborhood Mental Health Training.
Sweat in streams down my back. And pools in my armpits and under my breasts staining my top. This is the first thing that comes to mind when I think back to the Three Day Restorative Mental Health Training, my first event as the new addition to the Deep Space Mind 215 team. Certainly the record-breaking temperatures of the summer did not help. The hot July sun stinging my skin as I wait for a late trolley at a stop near my apartment. It could have been January and below zero outside. I always sweat when I am nervous. It was a couple days after my 34th birthday, after a year in survival mode. I was unemployed, countless promising interviews that felt led nowhere. I made a GoFundMe, babysitting or cat-sitting to pay my bills. My self-worth, self-esteem or self-whatever down the drain along with my life-savings. Frankly, when I interviewed for the communication specialist role for DSM, I was not confident I would get it.
On the short trolley ride to Cedar Works, where the event would be held, I made a promise to myself. I did not help create the workshop. I had no idea what to expect but I could contribute. I would connect with the other attendees. I would be an enthusiastic, active participant. When I arrived Ras and Mel, DSM’s co-founders, were setting up the space. I was greeted with a warm “Hiiii,” as they lugged boxes from their cars. My anxiety began to dissipate. I tossed my things on a chair and followed them out, asking how I could help speed the process.
Attendees trickled in while we finished setting up the seats into a circle. We greeted each with the same warm welcome and invitation to sit anywhere that was comfortable, including the floor pillows. I recognized a few from the neighborhood. Some were young, shy and awkward. Others were more extroverted, openly sharing their neurodivergence. They represented the unique, beautiful characters that can be found in West Philly.
Looking back, I cannot recall every detail of the workshop nor the order of the activities. I remember the talking stick, the puzzle where we stacked cups using only strings and rubber bands. We cheered when we made progress and laughed when the tower of cups fell. I remember visiting Pentridge Children’s Garden for the first time and learning about the gorgeous pomegranate tree that lived walking distance from my apartment. I remember learning how shelters for victims of domestic abuse began as neighbors offering their homes as refuge. I remember feeling encouraged to welcome, embrace, and even revere madness. The philosophy is completely opposite of what I learned as a patient in mental hospitals where the priority was to sedate me and make me compliant. The activity that I revisit often was the one where we split into groups and envisioned our ideal neighborhood. It is something I do often in my daydreams. My group, as fans of the provocative, called ours “Hope Plantation”. We didn’t want much, just clean and safe public restrooms, accessible public transportation, pantries with access to healthy food, and green spaces like Pentridge Children’s Garden.
This was my introduction to the Land & Wellness Summer Series as well as DSM215. Three days of learning, laughter and vulnerability. With each workshop, I realized the organization I joined was founded by visionaries who refuse to accept the status quo and enjoy spending their energy and talents to uplift and protect the members of our community. As I design fliers for events or write newsletters like this one, I am inspired to use mine to do the same. Much gratitude for all the participants and DSM215’s founders who made the training both nourishing and enjoyable. If you are interested the Restorative Neighborhood Mental Health Training for your community or organization, visit deepspacemind215.com or email us at deepspacemind215@gmail.com.
Franceska “French” Rouzard is a writer, software engineer and communications specialist based in West Philadelphia. She has several years of experience as a social media manager and writer in corporate spaces and desires to use the skills she’s developed in service to non-profits making a positive impact on our communities, like Deep Space Mind 215.